You can energize your career and impact your workplace with this one skill. It makes you more likeable and is a component of effective leadership.
Let me illustrate. Years ago, my boss dispatched me to the suburbs to meet with a city official. I was a project engineer preparing plans for a new residential neighborhood. I needed some input. I arrived, checked in with the receptionist and sat down. It was a beehive of activity, most of which was through the city engineer’s door.
Finally, he stepped to his doorway and invited me into his private office. I expected him to be impatient and dismissive, given all that was happening. He greeted me, closed the door, and offered me a seat. His eyes locked onto my face. He received my questions and asked some of his own. I walked out amazed at how undistracted he was. I felt like we were alone in the building. His skill? Listening.
To be a good listener, you must be intentional. Good eye contact means putting the phone down. If you’re multi-tasking, thinking about what you’ll say next, or feeling like you’re wasting time, then you’re not listening. People may like stories but when you insist on taking them down the well-trodden paths of your past experiences… well, that isn’t listening. When someone confides something troubling, telling your own story isn’t listening – that’s competing. Telling her she shouldn’t feel that way or her problem really isn’t a problem is not listening. Don’t try to be a fixer when he needs to hear, “Tell me more” or “I’m so sorry this is happening to you.”
Good communication means asking follow up questions. As a leader, you help people grow by having them probe their own thought processes, not by simply telling them what to do. Your active listening assures people they can trust you as a leader.
The Bible has practical wisdom for us here. “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him” (Prov. 18:13). “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth;
Keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psa. 141:3). “Be quick to hear, slow to speak” (Jas. 1:19). Behind these admonitions is the basic Christian principle of loving your neighbor and putting others before self. “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Phil. 2:3-4).
For believers, good listening is a way to live out your new life in Christ. It is a skill you can learn, which helps your relationships at home and at work. I know because after thirty years, I’m still friends with a certain city engineer.