As a friend, I would like you to have a nice life. That’s why I invite you to invest a few minutes here. I have two suggestions, which come from personal experience.
First, a story. The religious leaders were quite powerful in Jesus’ day. He knew that, yet He didn’t allow them to obstruct His mission or change His message. One time, they asked Jesus a question about keeping religious traditions. He asked, “Why do you transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition?” He went further and called them out as hypocrites. Later His disciples asked, “Do You know that the Pharisees were offended?” He replied, “Let them alone; they are blind guides of the blind” (Matt. 15).
The point of this story is a call to internalize the truth of God and reconsider any conflicting religious traditions. But here we also find the root of my two suggestions for you. They are about favor and control. Jesus was admired by some, but popularity was not more important to Him than truth. Nor did he try to control those who disagreed. He left the blind guides to their own free will.
There’s nothing wrong with being liked. In fact, people who have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23) are generally likeable. But to place a high value on someone liking you is to risk angst if he doesn’t. Being a “people-pleaser” is a common temptation. My suggestion is to accept that not everyone will like you or what you stand for, so stop trying so hard to earn favor. Otherwise, you risk violating your values or betraying a trust.
Some roles in life require control. The problem is trying to control people you can’t or shouldn’t. We have words for that: nagging, manipulation, “control freak.” It happens when we have information or perspectives that we believe are true and good for someone, but they won’t hear it. To place a high value on that person changing her mind or behavior is to risk angst if she doesn’t. My suggestion is to accept that people have free will. You need to know if someone is willing to listen to you. Otherwise, you waste your life plotting new strategies.
Here’s a suggestion that applies to both favor and control. Speak the truth kindly and let the chips fall where they may. “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person” (Col. 4:6). God can use graceful words spoken in the right way and time.
To place high value on pleasing or controlling people is to erect unnecessary obstacles to well-being and tranquility. As a friend, I wish for you to have a nice life. Shalom.